Sorry I’ve been away. I started the blog and then neglected it once more. Let me tell you…I started school in August. WHEW! Taking three classes, working full time, and occasional family mini-dramas leaves me spent.
I had to find a time to balance all these aspects of self. It’s been ridiculously hard. I’m not bitching. I know everyone has hard lives and schedules and family and crazy…but I’ve also learned everyone handles stress differently. Earlier in the semester I was literally just surviving. My body was breaking down. My mind was on overload.
I went to the doctor and she said all my symptoms were fatigue. If I didn’t stop, I’m going to be in a hospital bed somewhere. It was then I told myself, “Self, you can overload on classes and studying…doing things for other people…but you can’t use your degree if you’re six feet under. When you are in need, who’s going to do things for you?”
It was at that point I calmed down and started to live day to day without as much stress as possible. It’s hard because literally every single day there’s some kinda mini drama that occurs in my life or really the life of the people around me. And I know what you’re saying…leave those people alone. I can’t. Most of them are family! So two things I’ve tried to do as of late to keep me sane.
I keep a lot of things inside. Feelings. Emotions. I don’t vent much and most people in my company vent so much to me, I don’t get a chance to vent even if I tried. When they finally take a breath or ask about me, I’m so overwhelmed by their issues I just say I’m fine.
My boyfriend is typically my bouncing board. But sometimes is good to have other like minded adults (other than your boo) to share your dreams, goals, and frustrations. I’m starting to build this network of people I can share things with; raw and without pettiness or judgement.
One of the things I shared with my clan was my interest in reading Shonda Rhimes’ new book “Year of Yes: How to Dance it Out, Stand in the Sun and Be Your Own Person” I can’t wait until Christmas break so I can read it.
Rhimes is the creator of all of my favorite shows like Scandal, Grey’s Anatomy and How to Get Away with Murder. I’ve dedicated my Thursdays to the Church of Rhimes for many years now. But what fans fail to realize is Ms. Rhimes was an introvert and rarely said yes to anything. Her book follows her throughout a year of her life when she HAD to tell herself yes.
Then it came to me…what if I just said yes? I say no to things frequently. Yes sometimes it’s laziness, but for the most part it’s fear. Fear I’m not enough. Fear I don’t have outside validation. Fear I’m going to fall on my face in failure and embarrassment. Fear of I reach my goal and then what? Even a overwhelming fear of death.
So my friend K and I wrote down a fear list. I had over 50+ fears. Yeah some of them are dumb as hell. Spiders. Bugs. Wild mushrooms growing from the ground. But most of my fears shaped the way I lived my life. I live in constant fear of the unknown.
So a couple of weeks ago, I started my own year of yes. It started with an impromptu trip to Louisville and Nashville. I literally had to fight self to say yes. All 50 fears went through my head and I had an instant panic attack when I was asked, but I said yes. I had a GREAT time. I got to see friends I hadn’t seen in months. I got a view of a different way of life. I’m so happy I conquered my anxiety and said yes.
What keeps you from saying yes to life? What are some of your fears? How do you handle stress and not becoming an empath (we’ll talk about that in a future post) or a dumping ground for others? I ask cause hell I need help. LOL
(Shonda Rhimes and her publishers did not pay me. Hell, I wish she would. I have some story options for HTGAWM! I’m not endorsing or promoting her book in any way. I’m just adding it to my plethora of must reads.)